Headbutt Balls

Where do we begin with this one?

Well, it doesn't look like much, and it really isn't. But what is it then? It is proof that with one skilled 140 lb. wrestler on my back, and a 200+ lb. man trying to cow-catch me, I can still muster the strength to lunge forward and headbutt dude in the balls.

How did we get here you ask? Well, let me break it down for you.

Today was a long and very rewarding day. I forced myself out of bed at the crack of 10:25 AM to slave away at work, which I did, making various sandwiches and chicken wings until the late hour of 2:10 PM. I know, I barely survived.

After work, I figured the best way to wind down would be to visit the local mall and visit the chain store that my good friend, Seth, manages. I spent nearly two hours at said store, listening to edgy music while scores of tweens tore through the T.I. and Twilight merchandise. WYLD HOMO. There was also a brief cameo from my favorite little hood booger, Morgan.

Nicole was being a real jerk today, too. I think it was both funny and appropriate.

I worked out very hard today and also ran. As you could easily tell by my toned physique. You will never be allowed to read of my workouts because you are not Tyler or Stan. If you were, you would be attractive, smart, and wealthy and I would gladly divulge any information about my workouts that you would like.

I was overwhelmed with joy when I found that I had received many text messages, most importantly from Barry, my personal cook. He creates appetizing delights that both tantalize and tease the tongue. He had prepared a spread of delicious tacos. You were not invited, I had 5.

Among the many other things I am, popular is most assuredly one of the most important things that I am. So after a delicious meal shared with Barry and Michael Evan, I set out to fulfill the calling of my life: beating people at beer pong, fighting, meeting cute girls.

You will be glad to know that I achieved all three this evening, while you did nothing more than inch closer to your assured and ever-lonely death.

I was invited to several events this evening, not the least of which was a in-home party, also known by us upscale socialites as a "house party", that I was so benevolent as to grace with my presence.

At the right, you may see my brother-in-darkness, Stan, with his succubus.

Shortly after arriving I found the girl that was beautiful, she was tall and blonde and had a very cute smile, that is definitely not her to the right. The girl to the right is evil and already the property of Stan, therefore of no value to me.

After crushing several enemies in beer pong, Stan and I retired as champions and decided we should unleash the beast....RUFUS PHENEAS SATANAS!!!!!!! After going and retrieving Rufus from his lair, we walked him, with his Coach collar (which was a mere $72) and his pink leash back to the in-home party. Sadly, we met ways with the attractive young woman who had captured my wandering and lusty eye. She said that she must be off, because she had to go back to California for a model shoot at the end of the week. I was sad to see her go, but I am glad that I at least now know her name so I may speak it in my sweetest dreams.

It was at this time that both CJ and Andrew deemed it neccessary to create a malevolent tide of brute man-strength and grapple each other to and fro in the side yard. I still whistfully to the side while those savages tore each other apart like rabid sleestaks. Oh what a site to behold!

Andrew was doing well for himself considering his opponent had the decided upper hand...and had not been taking straight pulls of Wild Turkey all night. Then Stan suggested something dark, how about I take on both Andrew and CJ? Well, I obliged, and crushed them both under my mighty palm, for while I am not a god, neither am I a mere man. Surely this is evident by the fire burning in my manly and seductive eyes. After tricking them into taking the upper hand by taking my back and attacking from the front I saw but one option left; I had already snatched up their meager pride and defacated upon it, now I had to get them where it really hurt.

So with a man on my back trying to subdue me, I rose forward and lunged headlong into Andrew's balls a mere milisecond before crashing face first into the dirt. He writhed in pain, I spit dirt and laughed, before throwing CJ into the side of a car.

Yeah, that happened.